Tara Na!: A LoveStory 3.0

 ”I was hurt. I was miserable. I was stupid. I was alone. I was very stupid. It was a stupid idea, it was a dumb fuck shit idea!” Lover said. I know. I know he is hurt, I know that he is stupid.

 ”She does not even lifted a fucking finger!” Serious agrees.

 ”I told you before…” Hater said. “..she is a fucking liar!”

 For the first time, everyone joins on one solid idea. I listened alone. They all talked at once. I do listened to every single one, but none make sense.
Everyone has the one idea, everyone has the one feeling, but not everyone has the choice.

“What should we do?” a new voice aired, a firm, calm voice. It was not the Thinker. It was not the Cold. It was the Soul. “Can we stay like this forever?”

“No.” Serious said. “We will make it better.”

“How?” Hater said. “It was fucking obvious! She does not care about us!”

“Shut up!” Soul interrupted. “She cares, but we don’t know if she really care. After all these days, we can not say that she did not cared. We can not say that she took her time to be with us, to talk to us, to fight, laugh, and tell our tales of life. We can not say that she was not there.”

 ”So.. what is her problem!?”

A new voice, a deep dark groaning voice. I thought it is Sufferer, it is not him.

“What her fucking problem? What is the problem?! Is it me? Is it you? or Is it us both?” he said. “Or is it the money!? The money she has spent?!”

“No!” Lover disagrees. “There was no problem, this is just a test. We can make it through!”

“Oh no we are not.” Serious said. “I can feel it, we are going to lose.”

“Is there a fight?” the deep dark groaning was the Pain. “Are we in a battle? A battle that we have no way of winning?”

 I smiled. I knew he would come out and play someday. I knew he can not just sit and watch, he has to play. He can not absorb all of this and not say anything. It is his time, and I will gladly give it to him. I always knew that he would come out for this, he would come out when everyone feels his name.

“Are we the fighting?” he asks. “Are we the battlers for a losing war?”

No one answers. No one dared.

“Choice. It was her choice, her decision. It was the decision that she decided. It was the choice that she has chosen. We can say what we want to say, but she do not listen on words she don’t want to listen to.” Pain said.

I know the words. I know every single one of them. I said every one of them. I told every word to her. She heard all of them, but she did not listen to even one of them.

“This is not the end. This is not where we gonna quit and forget. This is not where we gonna forgive and forget!! This is where we fight! This is where we fight for our love. This where we try our best. This is where we will break the wall she has built around her! This is our love. She is our love. And if you love, LOVE HARD!”

I expected reactions. I expected disapproval. He is the Pain. Pain supposed to be miserable. Pain supposed to full of hate. Pain supposed to be painful.

“How?” Cold asks.

How. The word that everyone of us keep asking. The word that is easy to answer, but hard to apply. How? I do not take off my friendly smile. A smile that shows all the world that I am not hurt. No. I am hurt. Why smiling?

“I do not know.” Pain answered.

There is wave of murmurs and disbelief.

“But I know something that all of you is doubtful.” he added.

“What is it then?” Serious asks.

“It is the fact. It is the truth that we all know that this is not the end.” he answered.

“How do you know it is not the end?” Cold asks again.

“Because I know… If I feel it, I know it. If I know it, I believe it. If I believe it, I stay with it. And If I stay with it, it is gonna stay with me.” he answered.

I still have the smile. The smile that sometimes hurt my face. Do I know if my smile is real? I have no fucking idea.

“We just can’t stop loving her.” Lover said. “We have no idea what would happen if we will.”

Hater did said anything. I always glance at him once in a while. He is still the frowning and hateful kid I have always known. This time he did not said any sadistic terms. This time, he listens. This time, he knew it is not the time for hating. This time, he has no idea what is really happening, but he knows he is not needed here. Hater knows that this is the time for wondering why. Why she does these things. Why she shows us that we do not mean a shit for her. Why she say things that obviously do not relate on what she is doing. Why she makes us full of hate and confusion. We do not know whom to blame. Ourselves or her.

“We will try to get back on the topic next meeting… Please leave the room and return after twenty four hours.” I said. I was still wearing my smile.

A smile that I will not take off for the meantime. A smile that covers all the funky smell of what I really have. A smile that will fake everyone else.

As usual, I was alone. Alone. I do not want to be alone. I never wished to be left alone. I have wanted to be alone, but I never wished for it. Being alone makes me sad. Being sad makes me desperate.

I do not know what to do. I Love You. Please Love Me Too.

I will not end…